“Back off, Mom, you will never understand . . .!â€
“You are always after me, Dad, why don’t you just leave me alone, I hate you!!!â€
If that sounds familiar to you—you are not alone. Recognizing that in this age of growing media violence, where often both parents must work outside the home, and face other challenges, make successful parenting and building strong enduring families almost seem mythical, unreal.
One primary mission of this Foundation is to aid our family in communicating the Smith Family values across the generational chasm, so that the rising generation will have a better chance of meeting the fury of the day. By becoming acquainted with examples and values set forth by Joseph Sr., and Lucy Mack Smith, and their parents, we can become strengthened in our resolve and ability to bridge the generational chasm of our time.
During the Nauvoo family reunion Kyle R. Walker, a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy at Brigham Young University shared with us his doctoral dissertation—“The
Joseph, Sr. & Lucy Mack Smith Family: Dynamics of the First Family of the Restoration.†His research centers on family characteristics that affect the success or failure of parent-child and child-child relationships, family solidarity, etc., as they are identified in modern studies. His goal was to discover how these key values were used and espoused by our ancestors, the Joseph Sr., and Lucy Mack Smith family. Through the statistical lenses used by Dr. Walker, we can identify key values and historical examples from the lives of these great parents. We plan to focus on at least one of these values and examples in each forthcoming newsletter. We hope this will help us in the struggle to prepare our children to teach their children, etc. In this edition we focus on cohesion and religiosity;two factors that modern studies recognize as significantly increasing the chances of family success and fulfillment—factors that were known and practiced by our forefathers.
Cohesion & Religiosity (Solidarity & Spirituality)
Cohesion has varying dimensions: parent to parent; parent to child, child to parent and child to child. As one might suspect, parental cohesion is found to be the barometer of all the other successes and source of family fulfillment. Of all the factors that might improve cohesion between husband and wife, one that Dr. Walker found both statistically and historically significant in the Smith family is one he called “religiosity.â€
While, as a Foundation, we work hard to remain somewhat denominationally neutral, we are not religiously neutral. We respect individual choice, but we must also recognize the successful pattern laid for us by our ancestors.
For example, while Grandfather Asael Smith did not know what we know today, that “Researchers have been increasingly aware of the impact that spirituality and moral values can have on family function,†he urged his family concerning these principles in his last will and testament. Walker observes, “Probably the most critical factor that influenced Asael’s [Smith] desire for a strong family connection was deprivation in his own upbringing . . . growing up without his biological mother, and having his own father somewhat detached, certainly had its effects. What concerned Asael most was maintaining the unity and closeness he had tried to promote among the family. He wanted them to live the Christian principles that would enable them to stay close to each other and to their mother after his death. He was also concerned about their teaching these same principles to their own children. . . .â€(1)
Recent studies(2) have demonstrated a link between religion and physical and mental well-being. Additionally, researchers have found a correlation between religiosity, marital satisfaction, and marital stability(3). Also divorce rates among religious couples are significantly lower than that of the general population and religiosity has been identified as a strong predictor of marital and family happiness4. Thus, if marital partners are highly religious, their relationship is not only likely to succeed, but also to provide fulfillment and purpose.
It should also be noted that researchers draw a distinction between public and private religiosity(5). Public religiosity includes behavior such as going to
church, public prayers, and social gatherings. Private religiosity includes such things as personal or family prayer, private scripture study, deeply held values, beliefs, and personal attitudes. Findings indicate that private religiosity tends to have greater benefits for marriage and family life than public religiosity(6).
Further, research indicates that fathers who manifest high levels of religiosity were more likely to be involved in meaningful relationships with their children and to be more affectionate in those relationships than nonreligious fathers.(7) Additionally, religious fathers are less likely to have extra-marital affairs or abuse spouse or offspring.(8)
Another by product of family spirituality is an increase in emotional intimacy through enhancing interpersonal skills, such as forgiveness, patience, and empathy, which can, in turn, lead to an increased ability to resolve conflict. In addition, religious families have the added component of spiritual strength to draw upon during times of crises(9).
At the time the Joseph and Lucy Smith family was settling in Palmyra they and their extended family were divided, denominationally, somewhat as the family is today. While Lucy worked hard to make certain the children were formally churched, Joseph Sr., avoided organized religion…But while his public religiosity seemed wanting, to the local ministry, he, along with his father preached in private nondenominational gatherings. William Smith reported that the family had private devotional meetings. He said you could always tell when it was time to stop working when father reached for his spectacles and bible. The family gathered almost nightly to read from the scriptures, to sing a hymn,, and listen to either parent, or later, to Joseph Jr., teach from the scriptures.
These practices were the result of parental modeling preceding Joseph Sr., and Lucy Mack. “Lucy’s parents, Solomon, and Lydia Gates Mack, established a family environment which created a tightly knit family group…Lydia made sure that each morning and night the family gathered for a devotional that included prayers and exhortations on the importance of loving each other within the family. As a result, the children reportedly gained habits of “piety and gentleness†that created a happiness within the home…†Further, Solomon recalled that “their mother’s precepts and example…had a more lasting influence upon their future character†than any other single factor.(10)
It is this pattern of cohesion, religiosity and family happiness that we seek to foster. While as a Foundation, do not proselyte to one denomination or another, within the Smith Family, we recognize that historically within the family denominational disparity disappeared with the advent of Joseph Jr.’s powerful religious experience that would, in time unite [his] family during that generation. We want to encourage parents to take steps that have proven effective within this great family, over the ages that will lead to lasting happiness. We will report on many other aspects of Dr. Walker’s study in the Newsletter; we hope parents will use them to teach their children to teach their children. (If you can’t wait for future newsletters, Dr. Kyle Walker will publish dissertation in 2005. Excerpts used by permission.)
Notes:
1 (The last will of Asael Smith 1799; as quoted in Walker p. 37-39)
2 (Judd 1999, Mathews & Saunders, 1997)
3 (Call & Heaton, 1997); Dollahite, 1999, Lee, Rice,& Gillespie, 1997)
4 (Filsinger &Wilson, 1984;Glenn &Weaver, 1978)
5 (Davidson, 1975)
6 (Dudley & Kosinski, 1990); Van DenBerghe, 2000)
7 (Barouski & Xu, 1999)
8 (Dollahite, 1999)
9 (Brueggermann, 1977; Robinson & Blanton, 1993; VanDenBghe, 2000)
10 (Smith, 1945, 19, as cited in Anderson 1971 a, 28†(Walker p. 33).Smith,
1853, 19)
