Value: Conflict Management

Behaviors

Problem solving towards harmony; justice; mercy, fairness, solution-thinking, personal sacrifice, win-win, group mindedness; patience; deferred gratification, building self-reliance in others


As Strategy To

Cohesion, Family Work, Family Recreation


Story

As a 15-year-old, Joseph Smith wrestles with a man who had attacked and beaten a woman.

I’ll tell you a story. A man who whips his wife is a coward. When I was a boy I once fought with a man who had whipped his wife. It was a hard contest but I still remembered that he had whipped his wife and this encouraged me and I whipped him till he said he had enough.


Source

Young Joseph by Ivan J. Barrett p. 1

History of the Church 5:285

Value: Cohesion

Behaviors

Interpersonal communication, loyalty, love, listening, empathy, sharing, personal sacrifice, charity, goal sharing; expressiveness; Community & family service; personal sacrifice; “work, play, and worshiping together-time”; building others; listening; self-reliance; solution-thinking; justice; mercy; patience, conflict management


As Strategy To

Religiosity


Story

Fourteen year old Kathrine takes gold plates from Joseph, bandages his injured right hand. Kathrine hides plates in bed with Sophronia and her pretending sleep while mob searches the house.


Source

United by Faith by Kyle Walker p. 310-313

 

Smith Family Values

By Dr. Craig R. Frogley

We were gathered for some family fun. It was game time but, by design, the game, more than amuse, would change outlooks and perspectives of our family members. Each person was given a slip of paper to defend. On each slip was a word: lights, indoor-running-water, indoor bathroom, electricity, heater, stove, refrigerator, etc. All were then informed that there had been an earthquake and one of the items would be permanently lost. There was lively debate as each person defended his or her item. Once the successive disaster and ensuing discussions were finished and preferences had narrowed, only one item remained – electricity.

This process and discussion were followed with more slips: mother, father, bishop, uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, etc. Then again with more: eyesight, hearing, touch, walking, use of arms, use of hands, etc.

Each round included the item, person, and finally the value left from the previous round. Without exception the preferred item or person became among the first to be eliminated with the introduction of new items, which became increasingly personal and value oriented. When we were done defending, agreeing, voting, etc. we had each clarified what was most important by imagining what life would be like without it as compared to others of life’s puzzle pieces. In reality, life’s experiences and adversities give us this same opportunity until we live according to what we value most.

So, what is a value? The Webster’s on-line dictionary includes:

…past participle of Latin valēre to be of worth, be strong. 

7: something (as a principle or quality) intrinsically valuable or desirable…

What causes one thing to be valued or valuable and part of our lifestyle, and other, seemingly desirable things, unvalued? Some things are so valued that we are willing to change behavior or forego opportunities to adhere to them. Things that may seem of value to some are passed over by others as worthless, either by decision or ignorance. For example, the principle of honesty would motivate one person to forego opportunities to personally profit, while another would gladly cheat, steal, etc. in order to gain. Is it perspective or training, tradition or understanding that gives things or principles their value? The cheater, for example, might happily get paid more than something is worth, only later to find that he has lost a customer. He may find that he is always suspicious of others and consequently has created an internal culture of non-trust amongst his relations and contacts. Perhaps you want some benefits enjoyed by an acquaintance, but if you don’t see or understand the connection between the benefit and their beliefs and actions, you may be unwilling to discipline your own behavior (sacrifice other valued habits), and thus lose the desired benefit. If only you knew how to change a principle into a personal value, then it would become natural to you and the benefits would be yours for the long term.

One suggestion is to see the idea of “values” as a triangle:

values_image_1.gif

I may understand the benefits of being honest to my self and the community but if I loved immediate profit more, and thought that I could get away with cheating or stealing, I would behave according to the profit value rather than the honesty value. Later when the thrill of acquisition was past and the need for trust became pressing, then being honest could eventually change the feeling component of my triangle sufficiently enough to generate honesty as a consistent personal value. This has been called “Values Clarification” as in the afore mentioned game. We often gain understanding, and thus learn to love a principle, in the study or practice of behavior consistent with the value. In the effort to impart values, it has been shown that values are better caught than taught.

This planting “family values” into young hearts becomes ever more challenging as the world gains direct access to budding appetites through media and technology. That so many would directly seek profits using any means that appeal to appetite stimulation, regardless of the moral side effects, creates significant opposition. Research has repeatedly shown that adopting key family values can dramatically assist families in this vital contest for the minds and hearts of the rising generations and protect our children from the critical generational consequences. Modern family science research has identified several key common values in successful, cohesive families that, like good trees, have been judged by their fruits.

Families differ on so many levels that determining the success of one family as compared to another can seem like comparing mangoes to kiwis. But even diverse fruits can be judged by their nutritional value rather than their appearance. Though parental failure and success might be difficult to measure, there are well-studied characteristics and values, common to happy productive (measures of success) parents, children, and ensuing posterity. However, rendering a “failure judgment” also assumes that all efforts to assist family members towards becoming productive in society have ended, and that progress, or any hope of it, has ceased. Parents have not failed until they have given up, so a historical study can give valuable insights since the effects over several succeeding generations may be available.

Since family influence is not over until all has ended, a study of the fruits of a multi-generational family from historical research could be most informative. This, especially since the family studied for this article, is the first family of the last dispensation. Thanks to gracious permission of Dr. Kyle R. Walker, I will extract the family values he has identified in his PhD thesis available here or here. He specifically targets numerous historical accounts of this effective nineteen-century family. His doctoral thesis is entitled in “A Family Process Analysis of a Nineteenth-Century Household”. Quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from this thesis.

From a well-established list of examined processes, characteristics and values, Dr. Walker highlights six inter-related categories that are easily identifiable within historical records and that don’t require an interview with the family to evaluate. These include cohesion (unity), conflict management (problem solving towards harmony), resiliency (ability to bounce back), religiosity (faith and works), family work, and family recreation (play, family together time, singing, discussion, etc.). On closer examination some of these could be defined as values while others seem to be strategies/behaviors used to implement the values. Perhaps that is because these values are so intertwined in creating successful families in that the behavioral aspect of one value becomes a strategy for implementing another.

It can be said for example, that a cohesive family is one that manages conflict effectively and is resilient after crises, and thereby successful. Though cohesion is itself a value, one can ask what values fuel cohesion and provide reproducible results in other families? Likewise, just as managing conflict and bouncing back are to be valued, they are also strategies towards cohesion. It can then be asked which management strategies are more measurably effective in both meeting stress and bouncing back from its culminating crises? For example, Dr. Walker noted that those families that valued religion (internally and externally) managed conflict and were resilient to life’s crises more effectively than those who were not religious. So though religious belief is a value, it is also perhaps the “understanding-MIND” component (from the triangle) that persuades family members to sacrifice personal benefits towards resolving conflict because they are motivated by a link to higher causes (More on this later.) Likewise, family unity (a value) was enhanced as the family worked and played together – both values that served as cohesive strategies that enabled unity.

Though not strategically incorporated by our early Smith family as a result of any schooling, these specific strategies can be seen today as applicable for parents seeking direction in the ongoing battle for family effectiveness. For our purposes, we will call them Smith Family Values – though they were hardly exclusive to them.

It cannot be stated too often that these and all values are best caught rather than just taught. I will examine each of them individually.

COHESION:

Dr. Walker defines this value as an emotional bond between family members. In another study discussed by Dr. Randal A. Wright, this bond is amplified and strengthened when the parent is outwardly and verbally expressive.

This value produces a unified family where parents and siblings develop interpersonal communication, loyalty, service, and love. Today’s struggles with the realities of two-spouse employment, demanding children’s sports and lesson schedules, rising divorce rates, a variable economy, etc., family cohesion has been replaced with family survival. Which often degenerates into individual survival, making family cohesion seem like a myth.

In the face of these realities one might ask if family cohesion is just old fashioned or if there are advantages that would help the parenting process and secure the children into valued productivity. We note that many studies abound that show, for example, a young woman’s sense of security, modesty, self-esteem, etc. are each tied to her relationship with her father. Or, that a young man’s respect for girls and women, sufficient to over-ride his budding hormonal saturation, is aided by the respect manifest in the relationship between his mother and father. The profound respect that Joseph Sr. and Lucy held openly for each other is frequently demonstrated, as in one example where Lucy writes, “The joy I felt in throwing myself and my children upon the care and affection of a tender husband and father doubly paid me for all I had suffered.”[1]

Children’s willingness to listen to others or share personal property develops through being listened to by non-judgmental parents who they see making personal sacrifices to provide for them. Joseph Sr. and Lucy were found, without fail at the bedside of sick and suffering children, literally waiting upon them through the night. Their first lessons on charity, sacrifice, community service, and other cultural strengthening behaviors, which in the future will make them valued citizens, are learned in a cohesive family. If parents value family togetherness and unity (heart, mind, and strength) then children catch that value, for values are better caught through experience than taught with words!

Father and Mother Smith caught cohesion as a value from their parents. Asael Smith not only exemplified this value in his parenting but also spoke and wrote about it as he could see his life ending. He wrote:

“…know one another. Visit as you may each other, comfort, counsel, relieve, succor, help and admonish one another… Join together to help one another.”[2]

The Mack family story includes successive sisters tending each other’s sick-bed over extended periods, brothers sharing large sums of money with sisters, etc.

The Joseph and Lucy Smith family history is rich with stories where this cohesive relationship was extremely self-sacrificing and binding. When one person struggled, all struggled with them. They were a very unified family, which allowed them to accomplish all that continues to influence millions for good today.

Perhaps a modern parent struggling with the teenager who desires to be with friends rather than family might ask, “What behaviors might encourage cohesiveness or unity?” In using Dr. Walker’s four included and different professional models for measuring family conditions, it could be recommended that to augment a family’s cohesion-value parents might add the following connected behaviors: goal sharing; expressiveness; intra-family service/sacrifice; “work, play, and worshiping together-time”; building others; listening; self-reliance; solution-thinking; justice; mercy; patience; etc.

To summarize this value, one might visualize again a possible component triad:

values_image_2.gif

With consistency over time the value of family cohesion will be caught and lived as a natural consequence of the resulting lifestyle.

FAMILY WORK

As one can see, the family values of family work and recreation also become strategies for internalizing family cohesion (unity). It is through meaningful time spent together, that bonds are formed. When family members engage in work that yields a mutual benefit, not only is communication time increased but also a sense of common purpose develops, as there is a sense of mutual help, synergy, and accomplishment. If on the other-hand the benefit is unilateral, benefiting only one side, resentment may develop.  Youth may not be capable of appreciating the long-term or even near-term benefit of family work time without help. The value-triad can be of assistance; the parent works to make sense using language and examples that speak to the young person’s understanding and feeling levels. By way of experience, a parent might demonstrate synergy by opening an old watch and showing a pile of watch parts. The value of the parts total but a few pennies while the watch may be worth hundreds of dollars. Because the parts work together in unity, each doing their own work, the watch value is multiple times more than the non-integrated parts alone. Then short term benefits can be provided for those with short attention spans, after short work periods, like points that can add up to purchasing power of something they already value such as items, food, time allowance, etc. will complete the triad and grow within the child the value of family work-time. A garden will benefit the family budget but if a child has nothing to do with paying the bills the benefit won’t seem mutual even with explanations.  The Smith Family worked together for survival. When they struggled financially all family members felt the effects. The oldest, Alvin, eventually found that he had earning power through hiring-out that allowed him to return and contribute to a new family home, barn, etc. with the desire to help the family “live more comfortably, particularly his parents.[3]” All family members caught this value of laboring together for the common good of the family thus binding them together in common purpose.

FAMILY RECREATION

Just as family work increases the bonding time between family members so it is with recreation. So why should we separate them as values? In a work atmosphere the relationship between family members is generally hierarchical: teacher-student, boss-worker, oldest to youngest, biggest to smallest, etc. Though this time together is a valuable bonding and learning time, the natural relationship hierarchy can prove inhibitory as well. While work primarily bonds the minds, and yields a product, recreation bonds the hearts and strengthens relationships. Of course there is overlap and what one might call work another considers recreation or relaxation. For the hard-working survival-driven Smith family down-time included; reading, singing, wrestling, jumping at a mark, stick pulling, cooking, work bees, quilting, family gatherings, letter writing, going to town, hunting, shooting, mock battles, dances/balls, picnics, pie-suppers, husking bees, parties, community feasts, national and church celebrations, barn-raisings, sleigh-rides, etc. The unstructured, and inherently enjoyable nature of theses activities served to bond the hearts, improve the minds, and physically strengthen the participants, thereby increasing family cohesion (unity and bonding). Some activities were serendipitous or spontaneous while family participants carefully planned others.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

The enemy of family cohesion will be conflict arising both within and outside of the family. If a family member feels used, cheated, conned, injured, omitted or otherwise abused in any intra-family relationship, personal justice or fairness most likely will become the driving value. Inexperienced family members driven by reactive impulses will engage in fracturing behavior unless conflict resolution, as one of the behaviors of the cohesion triad, has also been caught as a value (including its accompanying skill-set). It becomes not only a value that has potential cohesive benefits but is also a means to the personal benefits of solution-thinking that satisfies the need for justice in the eyes of the offended.

Someone once noted, “Easy work is hard work, done late”. If conflicts are managed at the onset with cohesion as the motivating family value, then injury is prevented, avoiding the need to seek for justice. Add in the value of service/sacrifice, and the drive for justice can be transformed into a process rather than an event.  For example: One sibling breaks another sibling’s cell phone. If the offended sibling values the relationship more than the phone and is willing to sacrifice immediate replacement while the other sibling repentantly accepts the responsibility to replace the phone, mercy will satisfy justice. That maturity won’t come naturally, but with time and consistent modeling, teaching, and experience it will grow and flourish under these shared family values.

Are there other skills that enable conflict management? We have noted that the willingness to sacrifice, and be patient are necessary values that all have thinking, feeling, and behavioral components.

As such, understanding that personal sacrifice is an investment rather than a loss changes the negative feelings associated with loss.  The purposeful strategy, in which one then skillfully engages, enables long-term solutions. Results include enhanced cohesive relationships that bind family members together.

Patience likewise becomes a deferred gratification[4] skill yielding valuable potential long-term benefits. In a follow-up study referenced in the footnote, it was found that the skill of delayed gratification is one that can be taught by learning to change focus, to self-distract. Children and adults who could learn to refocus their attention from their wants to almost anything else, allowed them to wait for benefits that only come by waiting.

Though conditional relationships can lead to disappointments in the short-term, if cohesion (unity/bonding), patience, and personal sacrifice are combined under the driving value of building other’s self-reliance then disappointment simply becomes a signal, calling for continued and different skills and effort.  In part, the motivating component of the “building self-reliance in others”-value is to understand that building others is a means of personal growth. Since building others always builds self in the long run, the feeling becomes that of a “get-to” attitude that enhances the relationship, even in the face of inadequacy, stubbornness, error, hurt, and loss.  All intelligent beings are capable of growth when an effective influence strategy is discovered. When working to change or improve others, one must be willing to start with self-improvement.  It is a behavior skill linked to the value of conflict management, and driven by the value of cohesion.

RESILIANCY

Even with the best conflict management skills, families can be overwhelmed when crisis occurs. Resiliency is a value that says, “We may be down but we are not done.” It includes the understanding that “failure is only an opportunity to start over with greater intelligence” (Henry Ford).  Whether faced with “significant experiences or major life adjustments, such as emotional disturbances, unexpected changes, or major disruptive events (i.e., death, divorce, disabilities),[5]” the question of resiliency is one of why some families recover while others “break down or disintegrate under the same circumstances.”  What “characteristics, types, patterns, supports, strategies, and interaction with the community lead to family recuperation”[6]? In our Smith family the process of financial failure, followed by starting over, was repeated with each move and each farm, from Vermont to New Hampshire, New York, Ohio, Missouri, and Illinois until there developed an “us against them” mentality that bonded them together even across the generations and long distances. Cousins continued, even in the face of religious disagreements, to visit each other, send money when needed, and communicate through letters. All of the values thus far discussed contribute to this deeply seated resilient nature of enduring families. That said, one additional value historically and statistically seemed to drive or at least enhance them all.

RELIGIOSITY

Religiosity can be classified into public and private[7]. Public religiosity includes going to church, praying in public, social gatherings, service and outward charity. While private religiosity, includes personal prayer and scripture study, a sense of relationship with deity and devotion to personal discipleship. Though modern studies link lower economic status with higher rates of religiosity they also show that higher rates of private religiosity increase a person’s capacity to manage conflict, rebound from crisis, and unify relationships regardless of one’s economic status. From a “values paradigm” it is perhaps beneficial to ascribe this to something more vital than a simple compensation for greater socio-economic conflicts.

Seen this way, religiosity becomes more than a coping mechanism or a behavior stemming from another value.

The Smith Family’s relationship with their God seemed to grow more intimate and devoted with the passage of the generations, culminating in the sacrifices required, as they followed the course of their united religious movement referred to as “The Restoration” (stemming from young Joseph’s vision experience). In almost all modern analytical studies[8], a sense of higher purpose gives power to cope with difficulty and conflict and the resiliency to rebound again and again.

values_image_3.gif

But Religiosity seems to go beyond this. It is the one value that seems to failsafe one’s efforts and desires to balance difficulty and success. All temporal things from houses to families, from jobs to portfolios, from possessions to positions, from churches to clergy are temporary in that they are vulnerable to failure, crisis, and frailty. When religiosity becomes the central value, all other values not only spring from it as part of their triad, but also find endurance through it. In linking one’s relationship to God’s infinite capacitating wisdom and purposes God becomes the stabilizing, non-corruptible center, sourcing one’s strength, wisdom, intelligence, and judgment.

 

values_image_4.gif

 


[1] Kyle Walker, PhD; The Joseph Sr. and Lucy Mack Smith Family, A Family Process Analysis of a Nineteenth-Century Household; A doctoral thesis in the Philosophy, Marriage and Family Therapy Program, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University 12/200; p46, footnote 83

[2] Ibid p21

[3] Ibid p79

[4] Wikipedia; The Stanford marshmallow experiment[1] refers to a series of studies on deferred gratification in the late 1960s and early 1970s led by psychologist Walter Mischel then a professor at Stanford University. In these studies, a child was offered a choice between one small reward (sometimes a marshmallow, but often a cookie or a pretzel, etc.) provided immediately or two small rewards if he or she waited until the experimenter returned (after an absence of approximately 15 minutes). In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores (Mischel, Walter; Yuichi Shoda, Monica L. Rodriguez (1989). “Delay of gratification in children.” Science 244: 933–938.), educational attainment, body mass index (BMI) and other life measures. (see Wikipedia for further references)

[5] Ibid Walker p8

[6] Ibid Walker p8

[7] Ibid Walker p9

[8] Ibid Walker p9

 

Family Home Evening Resources

As mentioned by Karl Ricks Anderson at the Joseph Smith Sr and Lucy Mack Smith Family Reunion on Friday, August 3, 2018, these posts will contain resources for families to use for Family Home Evening lessons which include stories from the lives of our family that will lift, inspire, and provide practical solutions to challenges faced during our every day lives.

 

Please return often as new material will continually be added.

Coming Soon In Emma’s Footsteps

From the writer of Singing with Angels and the Joseph Smith Jr. and Emma Hale Smith Historical Society, this new movie is coming to theaters June 1 in Utah. For other areas, please send us a request. See the trailer below!

After the martyrdom of Joseph Smith, Jr., his wife Emma Hale Smith was left with much to shoulder: salvaging Joseph’s estate, the safety of her family, her own grief, and growing isolation as danger and rumors increased. Through the eyes of one of her sons and Lucy Mack Smith, Emma’s struggles are shown with new light and understanding, revealing a courageous woman who stood as a pillar of strength for her family.

Send us your request for where you would like to see the movie, and see what areas we are already planning to show In Emma’s Footsteps!

LOCATIONS

 

Lucy’s Shawl: Wrapped in Her Love

Budd Porter (recently deceased) and Debbie Porter Nelson wrap themselves in Lucy’s shawl and feel her love around them.

Sarah Milikin owned 3 shawls originally belonging to her grandmother, Lucy Mack Smith. Upon Sarah’s death, the three shawls were found and later given to dear friends and relatives. The first went to her daughter-in-law Jennie Peterson, who eventually donated it to the LDS Church History Museum.

The second went to Jennie’s niece, Kathryn. When Kathryn became very ill, the shawl was given to her youngest sister Helen. Helen sent the shawl to the LDS Church History Museum via some friends.

The third shawl was given to Helen. Before her death she asked her son to safeguard it. Faithful to his promise, in 2005, he returned the shawl to the Joseph Smith Jr. Family.

Large enough to cover a bed, this shawl helped inspire our wish to cover the “Build a Bed” bunk beds with an embroidered coverlet.

Discovering the Atonement Behind the Razor Wire

April Fools Test

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The following names and character descriptions are fictional aggregates:

The jagged razor wire caught my attention this time, as I once again entered its shrouded confines. It reminded me of our previous home in Africa, only the wire was there to keep “bad guys” out while this was to keep them in. I mused at the contrast. As the group of inmates assembled in the “institute room” of the prison chapel, I took notice of the tattoos, facial hair, and white “uniforms” while I shook hands, greeted and felt such a kinship as I had never expected in all the years of my teaching. I loved these men and yearned for the Spirit to hallow our experience together in the scriptures.

We had spent a couple of hours the week before within Alma 32 and the faith seed. I asked, “If our Father, who you love and are learning to trust, were to come in His glory and embrace you today, what would it be like for you? I suggested that we use DC 5:19 as a reference”

…the inhabitants thereof are consumed away and utterly destroyed by the brightness of my coming.

Breaking the stunned silence, a tall burly fellow remarked, “Wow that would be a dangerous hug…crispy critter!!” Then guiding him to Alma 33, his clear FM voice resounded as he read verse eleven:

And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions, for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son.

He paused to wipe a tear and I stopped him from reading further. I had never been moved by that verse in all my years teaching. As he paused, I heard myself ask, “Have any of you been judged before?” They looked at me incredulously. They were all there because they had been found guilty, by a judge. “Have any of you ever judged each other?” Now I could see the knowing looks pass between them. “Yet, our very creator, our Father, turns away judgment. He who knows us best withholds judgment for now! Why? Careful…it would be easy to say, ‘Well, because the Son will be the judge, so Father doesn’t judge us.’ Read carefully. He knows our imperfections and rebellions. He knows our crimes and private whoredoms. He looks on sin with NO allowance. So why withhold judgment?”

The room was sacredly silent, eyes scanned the verses with hope. “Your Father in Heaven, who knows you intimately, loves you and does not pronounce judgment upon you! He does not look or listen to you through some lens of guarded judgment…He does not judge you.” I felt the truth of those words ripple up my spine and could see that they felt it too. I added, “Not only does He turn away judgement but notice what He calls it and how He feels about how we respond to it, in verse 16

For behold, he said: Thou art angry, O Lord, with this people, because they will not understand thy mercies which thou hast bestowed upon them because of thy Son.

Then I asked, “What did the Son do through His atonement that He calls, “His mercies” that allows Father to turn away those deserved condemnations?”

“Alma 42”…They raced to turn the pages. They knew instinctively that the Atonement of Christ would redeem them SOMEDAY but what was it that activated it even at the very time they were committing sin? As they paused, hoping for clarity, I said, “verse 4.” They read silently…

And thus, we see that there was a time granted unto man to repent, yea, a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God.

Now I had discussed probation with students many times but somehow it seemed strange to ask these inmates, “What can you tell me about probation?” One, with huge tattooed biceps explained, “Ya get a chance to be good without havin’ to come here.”

I asked, “So is it a good thing or a bad thing to find out you are on probation?”

One in a wheelchair quietly said, “Depends on where you are.” “What do you mean,” I asked. “If you are out there and find out, it could be either good news or bad news depending on if you know what being in here is like. If you know, then it is good news, ‘cause you don’t want to be in here!”

“Ah, so what was our state when Christ created this world and made certain that it would be a probationary state? I asked a younger Latino man to read verse 5 and the first part of 10.

For behold, if Adam had put forth his hand immediately, and partaken of the tree of life, he would have lived forever, according to the word of God, having no space for repentance; yea, and also the word of God would have been void, and the great plan of salvation would have been frustrated.

Therefore, as they had become carnal, sensual, and devilish, by nature…

An older, kindly gentleman asked, “So God knew we would sin?”

“Indeed, but since this is probation, what does that mean?”

This wizened grandfather smiled and said, “It means that though we are accountable, we aren’t judged yet!”

“Please notice the end of verse 10, why are we on the earth then?”

…this probationary state became a state for them to prepare; it became a preparatory state.

Another portly gentleman, quipped, “It means we get a do over!” Then he got serious, “It means that I tried some things that didn’t feel right but I tried them anyway and got caught and put in here. It means that I can learn from it and still become all I have been pleading for, but, really thought I had just gone too far for any hope! But, this is a time to prepare, to discover, to repent and change before being judged!! We can become better before judgement!!!” His smile mixed with tears didn’t go unnoticed as the grandfather laid a hand upon his arm.

Moses 6:55 came into my mind…we turned and read:

And the Lord spake unto Adam, saying: Inasmuch as thy children are conceived in sin, even so when they begin to grow up, sin conceiveth in their hearts, and they taste the bitter, that they may know to prize the good.

“As children born to appetite-driven, natural-man parents, it is only logical that the children would be the same, since those tendencies come from the natural appetites of the body. So naturally, those appetites lead to temptation which leads to sin. But what does sin then naturally cause and why?”

An exuberant balding middle-aged man suddenly let out an “Ahhhhhh!” “The natural result is the taste of bitterness. Sin never is happiness!!! There certainly isn’t much happiness in here! Our Father gives us time to learn to choose the good, after tasting the alternative or watching someone else suffer from it!”

I challenged his thinking, “Look closely, it doesn’t say “That they may CHOOSE the good.” Why does He use the word “PRIZE?”

He was so excited he almost stumbled over his words, “So if we are awake, this preparatory state is a protective covering, it is what the Savior’s Atonement did for us. Not only can we repent and change, we receive no permanent judgements until the day of judgement. Secondly, He is on our side, cheering for us and helping us rather than just waiting to catch us sinning. The natural consequence of sin is like a bitter taste, our desire for the sin changes, so once we have tasted the sweetness of the fruit, we prize it for all eternity!” He paused, thought deeply then exclaimed, ”We need to help everyone taste that sweet fruit, so they know that there is another choice besides bitterness!”

I added, “Would you be interested to know that the ancient Hebrew for “atonement” is kapharwhich literally means, “to cover.”

It seemed right to take them to DC 88:5, 6, 13, 34

Jesus Christ, his Son …ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth;

The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are governed, even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things.

…that which is governed by law is also preserved by law and perfected and sanctified by the same.

So, our merciful Father’s directed the Son to create a sort of protective probationary covering whereby judgment and the destructive forces of consequence are temporarily “turned aside” so that, with time and understanding, we can repent and change sufficiently to live in the glorious presence of the Father that would otherwise consume us (DC 5:19). Then, His work, glory, and light, if we choose, can perfect us, “in Christ.” (see DC 88:34; Moses 1:39, Moroni 10:32)

As we closed, and I walked out past the razor wire, I knew they would be safe, enveloped in His wise, loving mercy, until delivered to His perfecting law.

How the Community of Christ and LDS Church draw upon shared heritage, work together as ‘friends’

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900013910/how-the-community-of-christ-and-lds-church-draw-upon-shared-heritage-work-together-as-friends.html

 @sydjorg

BYU assistant professor Casey Griffiths laughed as he recalled walking away from talking with former Community of Christ apostle Andrew Bolton at an interfaith dialogue in Nauvoo last September, wondering if they were still friends.

“That was never in question,” Bolton chimed in with a smile, sitting across the table from Griffiths in a religious faculty library at Brigham Young University on March 21.

 “It’s wonderful to know you can have disagreements on theological questions and have a wonderful and beautiful friendship,” said Griffiths, who teaches in the Church History Department. “I love the time that we spend together and I always learn a ton by listening to our friends of the Community of Christ.”

Bolton, his wife, Jewell, and current apostle Lachlan Mackay were among officials from the Community of Christ hosted by BYU last week for an interfaith dialogue. This is the fourth meeting of its kind, Bolton said, with this dialogue focusing on sacraments and ordinances.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Community of Christ share almost 15 years of common heritage, from 1830 when the church was organized to the death of Joseph Smith Jr. in 1844. Interfaith dialogue is important to both faiths, which continue to work together and learn from their shared history.

Bolton, who served as an apostle for the Community of Christ from 2007 to 2016, said enrichment and new insights to his faith are two of the things he hopes to gain at interfaith dialogues with BYU. He said there are “treasures to discover,” like a deeper understanding of commons beliefs.

“Bob Millet (former dean of religious education at BYU) introduced me to the concept of ‘Infinite Atonement’ from the Book of Mormon,” Bolton said. “I never understood that before so that’s been a huge blessing.”

The Community of Christ, formerly the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that changed its name in 2001, has 250,000 members worldwide. Bolton, who was baptized in Wales over 40 years ago, said India and Haiti currently have the highest concentrations of Community of Christ members around the world and “more people speak French than English in church on a Sunday morning.”

In the U.S., nearly one-third of members reside in the Kansas City area near the church’s headquarters in Independence, Missouri, according to Mackay. As part of the Council of Twelve Apostles of the Community of Christ, Mackay oversees the Northeast USA Mission Field and serves as the historic sites director and church history lead.

About 10 percent of Community of Christ members will be called to priesthood office during their lifetime, Mackay said. The leadership organization is similar to that of the LDS Church: a pastor serves over a congregation, mission centers are similar to stakes, and apostles have responsibility over a specific geographical area of mission centers. A world conference, similar to a general conference, is held every three years.

Bolton said he admires the LDS returned missionaries who come home with international experience, as well as the resources and size of the church. Community of Christ leads mission trips too, but for shorter amounts of time.

“My dad often quoted, ‘Walk together, talk together, all ye peoples of the earth. And then, and only then, will ye have peace,’ and that’s exactly what’s happening,” Jewell Bolton said of the Community of Christ’s missionary efforts.

While there are many common threads, Bolton also talked about two distinct differences between the Community of Christ and LDS faith — ordination of women beginning in 1984 and same-sex marriage in the U.S. in 2013 — that reflect their belief in “the worth of persons” and “the soul as non-gender,” he said.

“I think Community of Christ is more nimble, smaller, so we can make change much faster,” Bolton said. “But there are mistakes to avoid. And there are things we’ve done well that (the LDS Church) can do better.”

Bolton talked about the idea of “theocratic democracy,” in which God leads and the people choose, and that God’s word is “conceptual” rather than “plenary” or absolute. He described the Community of Christ as “a people with a prophet but we’re also called to be a prophetic people. We have a responsibility to discern what God may be saying.”

Though it may be difficult to discern God’s will in the world we live in today, Mackay said he often thinks back to the culture of Joseph Smith’s time.

“Then, it was the industrial revolution that was causing all this upheaval. Today it’s the technology revolution,” he said. “It feels like it’s spinning out of control (but) my faith keeps me sane. The idea that I may be able to work with others to make life just a little better is deeply meaningful to me.”

Griffiths said those who believe in Jesus Christ and the teachings of the Restoration, like both the Community of Christ and LDS faiths, are able to “see the world through a lens where everyone is a son or daughter of God (with) intrinsic value.”

“It’s nice to meet wonderful people like these and realize there is so much good in the world in our faith tradition and in other faith traditions,” Griffiths said. “The good people of the world should ban together and help each other and do everything they can to lift everyone around them.”

Bolton and Mackay were among guests from the Community of Christ who met with Elder J. Devn Cornish, a General Authority Seventy from the LDS Church, on Temple Square on March 23 as part of their visit to BYU. In September, BYU professors plan to go to Independence for a dialogue with the Community of Christ about Zion.

Picturing history: Burial site of William Smith, brother of the Prophet

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900007778/picturing-history-burial-site-of-william-smith-brother-of-the-prophet.html

Lucy Mack Smith bore 11 children, eight sons and three daughters. Two sons died in infancy, six of her sons lived to adulthood, but only one, William, lived to old age.

William was born at Royalton, Vermont, on March 13, 1811, making him more than five years younger than Joseph Smith. Interestingly, his mother, Lucy Mack Smith, also bore sons on March 13, 1808, and March 13, 1810, one year before William.

After the Smiths left Manchester, New York, William lived at Kingdom, New York, near Waterloo, New York. He then, for the most part, moved from place to place with the body of the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He served missions, participated in the School of the Prophets and served as an apostle and patriarch to the Church.

He was excommunicated from the church in 1845. Because of his volatile temper, excommunication and association with the Strangite movement, many have come to view William in a mostly negative light. In a summary of his biography on William Smith, Kyle Walker points out that Saints who went west tended to brand “him an apostate, and any mention of his name in LDS Church history decried his rebelliousness and insubordination. For that reason, most of his contributions to the building up the early Church have been lost to the reader” (see Walker’s “Joseph Smith’s Challenging Brother,” Meridian Magazine, Oct. 14, 2015). For the first time, Walker’s biography provides a more complete view of the life of this complex individual.

Osterdock, in Clayton County, Iowa, is a small village in the northeastern quadrant of the state. Except for one reason, its history would be of no particular interest to students of Latter-day Saint history: It is the burial site of William Smith, brother of the Prophet.